Written by Dean Winchester
by DarylDixonKicksAss
Summary: The life of the Winchesters and the steps to terrifying and gut wrenching scenes that their eyes wish to unsee.


_Written by Dean Winchester_

_October 14, 2013_

_"The angels, they're falling."_ I always replayed that sight in my head over and over again. It was terrible, and just gut wrenching. What had Cas done? What does this mean will happen? I'm scared to find out to be honest, I never would have admit to it but it's true. Sam was still in pain from the 3 trials to shut that gates of hell. I just wish there was a way to help him, take it all away because I hate watching him hunker together and just wail in pain, it's sickening!

I'm not a man for sharing what's wrong when someone asks me. I usually just brush it off, play it cool but my poker face can be bad at times. A good friend once told me that if I care about Sam I should just tell him when he asks, so he doesn't have to worry about me as much. But since that's just us he would worry anyways...right? I have been having mental breakdowns because everything is just too out of hand. I've been praying and praying to Castiel but he just wont show up till two days ago when I found out that his grace was gone so he is human.

_"Good God Cas! Where have you been?" I wrapped my arms around Cas' shoulders glad to see his gruff face._

_"My grace has been stolen, I'm no longer an angel." He said smoothly like everything was okay, like it was alright he wasn't an angel._

_"But Cas..." I choked, I didn't know what right words to say. I pulled away to look at Cas in his blue eyes. My face was written with worried words._

_"How did this happen?" I spoke thoroughly._

_"Metatron, he took my grace."_

_"So is this why you haven't answered any of my prayers?"_

_"Dean, you know that I would come to you if you prayed to me."_

_"Well you seem to have gotten out of the habit a few times." My vocal chords let off a sarcastic causing Cas to look at me like 'really?'_

_"I've told you.. I'm sorry about that!"_

_"That doesn't matter right now, what matters is that you're back."_

_"Yeah... yeah I am." _  
_His poker face wasn't as good as he thought it was. His smile was fake, his voice wasn't cured and he just wasn't okay._

That was the last time I talked to him. He has been trying human skills on his own but I know he is making a fool of himself as speak. Or in this case write.

I have been talking a lot about Cas and Sam and not a lot about me. Like I said before I'm not a man for sharing and well since I'm sharing with myself I guess I could lift the heavy bricks that lie on my chest. I haven't been myself, with this life your personality and who you are will change a lot. You could say that demons posses me, well not to that content but... mental breakdowns, or anxiety attacks usually don't happen to me. Maybe I kept everything inside for to long, and the bottle has to open at some point.

The thing that I needed most just to settle my nerves was pie. All I want is some fucking pie but no one seems to be digging deep. I have tried to go get some but its always interrupted by some 'important' phone call or someone needs to be saved. Bitches I need some pie time and if I don't have pie time someone will end up killing the earth's entire population. So before I began writing this I went to get some. So I'm pretty sure I'll be fine until another withdraw makes its way to me.

When I saw Castiel come back ever since the angels have fallen I boiled some odd feelings. I don't feel like confessing them at the moment because I don't trust myself with myself.

"Dean don't tell anyone."

"Its okay Dean I wont" Or so he thinks for I will tell Sam and everyone.

Yep I've lost it.

I wish there was a cure for what's happening to me. And trust me I have tried alcohol and busty Asian beautys and everything else that's usually on Dean's list of 'everything will be okay if you just try me'.

I have been thinking about Bobby a lot as well since the angels have fallen. I mean since we transferred his soul to heaven doesn't that make him an angel? And doesn't that mean he fell as well? I never really thought about that till I actually just sat down and thought about every possible thing that will and maybe and could happen! You never know! (Yeah, I'm going crazy)

**A/N:: I hoped you liked it, sorry for typos.**


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